At my job we are masters of the 401k, literally. We know the codes, the process, and pretty much everything about retirement plans you want to know. One of the good parts about my job is being an expert in what I do, and being able to leave it behind when I go home.

Once I step away from my desk, I’m off the clock, and no customers can bother me.

So Imagine my surprise when I get in the elevator to get to my desk this morning and the emergency speakers starts ringing. I’m completely alone in this elevator and look at the control panel. The light that says “if this light is on, don’t worry, help is on the way” is lit.

“um… hello?’ I say

” ‘ello” the lady on the other end responds.

I can tell she is not my helpful emergency operator, she doesn’t have the tone of someone who knows how to talk on a speaker. No one hit the emergency button on the way out, this was a call INTO the elevator.

“um.. hi” I reply to the lady. this can NOT be what I think it is.

“I would like a loan please” she says in her slightly broken English

“I’m sorry?!” I reply. she did not just say that.

“I would like a loan” she repeats.

I can not believe my ears. I can’t even walk into the frakking building, take a breath, and sign in before I have to hear the demands of clients! Their piping them over the loudspeakers now?!

“um… listen, you have the wrong number. You REALLY have the wrong number.” I tell her. At this point the elevator as started moving, I’m going up to my floor now.

“I would like a loan please” she repeats

“wrong number lady, this is an elevator loud speaker” i tell her

“‘ello?” she asks

“YOU. HAVE. THE. WRONG. NUMBER!” I yell, my fact close to the mic

the elevator opens and there is a group of people ready to get on, wondering why I’m telling the voices in my head to hang up. They get on and it becomes pretty clear to them too.

“who is this?” she asks

“this is an emergency elevator loudspeaker. you are talking to people in an elevator that can not help you get a loan.” I tell her

“oh. what number should I call?” she asks.

“how would I know? just don’t call this one again, Ok? It’s not what you are looking for” I say
“Ok, sorry about that.” she finally responds

the little red light goes off, and I take a deep breath. I have not even started my shift yet and already I have spoken to the stupidest person all day. It did not boad well for the rest of my shift.

One of the things you need to understand is that we serve a lot of really smart people, actual brain surgeons and the like. The problem is, I never speak to the intelligent human beings because they know that the website has all the data they need better then I can ever give.

Oh no. I have to deal with elevator ladies. I have to deal with people who want money in their 401k and will not take “you don’t have any money, you took it all” as an acceptable answer. I have to deal with people who want to add their 30 year old cousin to their medical plan because they don’t want to pay for his medical bills and think it’s their right to have us do it.

I’m done I need a new job. I have an interview for a promotion tomorrow, and I think I’m going to get it. Even if I do get it, I’m not sure I’m going to stay.

of course, I have no idea what this new positions pays… that’s a mind changer.