My Grampa died about 24 hours ago.

I don’t post about it to get sympathy or condolences, so I would actually prefer no comments of that type.

This blog is a daily tracker of the things that happen to me, and his passing is something that needs to be documented.

I use to hang out at his house a lot when I was a kid. My mom, dad, brother and I would go over on Sundays and my parents would practice in a band called Merwin and the Country Somethings.

Yes, his name was Merwin Goddard, and yes it really was a country music band.  He was into old school classic country music like Hank Williams Sr, and Johnny Cash.  Men who were famous in the 50’s and 60’s with calm personalities that would not hesitate to literally kick someones ass if necessary.

A lot of my memories from the 80’s are at his house during those times, and they were good. I had a REAL grampa, the kind from the Little House on the Prairie or Waltons.  He was the embodiment of what you think a classic grampa to be like all bushy beard and the smell of tobacco smoke.

He is my grandfather on my mother’s side, and when granny died in the early 90’s he found someone new that my family didn’t approve of so there was a quiet falling out.

Because of this, I am not feeling a lot of emotional turmoil over his passing.  In a very real since I had to let him go years ago, so that I’ll never see him again doesn’t have the impact that it might have otherwise.

But of course, the instant it’s too late, I start questioning some truths I’ve had since I was still a child.  Was the woman he was with actually that bad, or was my family looking for reasons to dislike her?  Did he change into a different person, or was this who he was and we just chose to ignore it at first, then amplify it after?

I’d like to think that I as an adult, I would understand and agree with cutting him out of our lives, but I wasn’t in the position to understand the situation, and now never will. This is the thought that is making me sad because I never would have thought it before it was far to late to investigate.  And to those family members reading this I don’t mean to say I judge it wrong, I’m saying I never questioned it.

This is not going to be something I dwell on however, because family is what you make it, blood or not and no matter what happens sometimes people drift for good or ill reasons.

Grampa, I miss you and I love you.  I hope you are in a better place now with guitars, pipes, overalls and straw hats.

rest in peace.